Dip Poops: A Discourse

Throughout history man has practiced the fine art known as "dip pooping". This ancient practice involves sitting on or over some form of waste recepticle, throwing in a fat chawburger (a large portion of dipping or chewing tobacco), and taking a lengthy dump. To men and certain privilaged women the ritual is considered meditative and extremely cathartic. There have been many terms for the act: going hard on the motherfucking pot, one in the mouth and one going south, throwing in and squeezing out, spittin' and shittin', sittin' down for a double brown... the list goes on.
   
Though considered a sacred rite throughout many cultures of the world, I'll be breaking down the esoteric concepts in a simple step-by-step guide.
   
1. Build up a mighty shit. This is the most important part of the ritual. The ancient dipping cultures believed that negative energy accumulated in the un-discharged feces, and thus it is advisable to wait a period of time after already needing to poop before beginning.
   
2. Once you'e determined that it's the appropriate time to shit, bust out your dip. Those already initiated prefer Levi Garrett chew or Copenhagen Straight/Snuff. If you're a pussy you might start out with a flavored Skoal dip. Pack that shit and stuff in a fatty the size of Texas. Hail Satan faggot.
   
3. Considered a proper ritual tool, a Mudd Jug is customary if one is inclined to follow tradition. Bust it out. However, you may improvise if necessary. Some form of spittoon is necessary, though; if you spit through your legs into the toilet, you might get juice on your dick, and no one wants that.
   
4. Take a moment to clear the mind. Breath deeply, and visualize all of your stresses and negativity concentrating into your rectum. When one feels ready, release that tremendous log and all of your problems into the world.
   
5. Enjoy the rest of your dip shit and flush that fucking toilet.
   
This is a basic outline of a real man's dip shit. With practice there is the possibility of reaching new levels of relaxation and consciousness. Post your dip shit experiences, tips, and techniques. Heil.